If you’ve seen my past blog posts, you’ve probably seen me write about holidays, grief, and loss at some point. It’s no doubt that holidays, in general, can be a major source of stress, overwhelm, and for some, even sadness for those who are mourning or missing loved ones who may not be with them.
However, this holiday, Mother’s Day, especially (but not only) during this time, can be all that much harder for some; and it’s not just because of the pandemic or because of grief, but rather both combined and even more than can be elaborated upon in a single blog post.
Mother’s Day while a day of celebration of all of the mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers, and all others serving in a mother’s role in some way or another, isn’t so celebratory for many with or without a pandemic. Even though the pandemic will restrict many from celebrating Mother’s Day with their mothers if they don’t live in the same home, which would understandably be incredibly hard for many since Mother’s Day is all about spending time with your mother, there’s also another component.
Perhaps you’ve lost your mother, never knew your mother, or someone who was like a mother to you is no longer with you. Maybe you don't have the best relationship with your mother, or perhaps you have a different experience than these mentioned that just simply makes today hard for you. These things can make the idea of Mother’s Day one of mourning, stress, overwhelm, and a whole slew of other emotions instead of celebration.
Add into the mix the effects of the pandemic and isolation alone on top of the things mentioned above. When we take into consideration the toll of decreased social interaction with loved ones, being isolated, etc. in and of itself, that can undoubtedly lead to a wide array of emotions. However, all of that can make Mother's Day especially even that much harder for some. Perhaps you have a distant or abusive relationship with your mother and/or you're now in isolation with her - so you have the effects of isolation on top of the effects of that relationship. Perhaps this is not the first Mother’s Day without that person in life, but it just may be one of the hardest. Why? Because of everything myself as well as many others have been talking about for months; the toll of isolation, quarantine, and the pandemic as a whole can make these feelings feel even stronger than they may have been in the past. Being alone or isolated can lead us to think, ruminate, and overthink which creates more room for the effects of grief and loss to creep up on you. So if you’re feeling that a little extra right now, It’s OK and you’re not alone.
Perhaps you’ve lost your mom due to COVID-19. That in itself can also be an immensely hard pill to swallow alone, and then Mother’s Day comes just before you’ve even had time to process. So if you’re experiencing that also, again, it’s OK and you’re not alone.
I recently lost my grandmother on February 1st (not due to COVID) but it was unexpected and she and my mom have been my rocks since the day I was born. She was always like a second mother to me so the thought of not spending Mother’s Day with her (even though we couldn’t right now anyway), but not even being able to call her, send her a card, simply say "Happy Mother’s Day", or even show up at her door and give her a hug through the glass (because nothing would keep me from my mother or grandmom on Mother's Day even if it meant extreme caution for their safety), hits home for sure. If you're feeling the same, I hear you and I know it's hard.
If your mother/grandmother/step-mother etc. is still here and you're grieving the fact that you can't spend time with them the way you normally would, be creative! Face-time, talk through a glass to let them know they are not alone, and that you're still there on their special day. I know the feeling of grief and loss all to well; I didn't even fully digest my grandmother's loss before COVID-19 hit us all like a brick and now Mother's Day is here; so I feel for those wrestling with these feelings of grief especially during these unprecedented times of isolation.
No matter what your experience or situation is; if this day or even this time is hard for you right now, please know you’re not alone!
If you’re struggling and need some support, text “HOME” to 741741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor. It's a completely confidential, listening ear if your alone and just need someone to help you through these thoughts or depression or whatever you may be feeling right now.
Finally, Happy Mother’s Day to ALL of the amazing mothers and mother-like figures out there, especially my very own who I have no clue what I would do without!
~Compassionately Inspired
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