Compassion Over Violence

To hear a summary of the main messages in this blog post in a shortened, video form. Please see the video at the end of this post. 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

While I usually do not comment on controversial topics, politics etc. as that is not what this page is about, as an anti-bullying activist and mental health advocate, I cannot be silent about what is going on in the world at the present moment; especially as it is a matter in which major bullying is present and something that is most definitely affecting and will affect the mental health of many.

Before I dig in I want to start by saying firstly, I am in absolutely no way against peaceful protests or standing for what’s right; that is not what this post is about.  Rather, this post is meant nothing more than to simply emphasize the importance of compassion and empathy right now more than ever and to remind everyone that violence, hate, disrespect, for others and our communities only makes matters much worse instead of better. Secondly, I am also in no way shape or form implying or saying that what happened to George Floyd is okay; it’s not and I do not stand for it. However, we must talk about the consequences of the violent and even fatal nature of some of the protests and riots going on now.

It is completely understandable that many are feeling extreme distress, fear, grief, anger and a wide range of emotions right now not just with the numerous effects of the coronavirus pandemic but now, the tragic death of George Floyd and the violent protests surrounding it. It is completely valid to feel whatever it is you’re feeling in response to or as a result of all of the events that have occurred in the past few months, weeks, and days. However, by responding to these events with hate and violence, harming innocent people, taking innocent lives, destroying the property and businesses of innocent people, we are only creating a recipe for disaster, creating a world of even more hate, discrimination, stereotypes, judgments, and violence. Not to mention, while I do not stand for this level of hate and violence any day, I also want to reiterate again that many are still in a state of crisis from the pandemic and if not a crisis, the effects are still there and will be for a long time as I’ve been saying for weeks. People are still grieving from the losses endured by COVID-19, and now many are being faced with unjust and completely avoidable loss by murder of innocent people who are mothers, fathers, kids, family members. Further, people are finally returning to work, and much of the world is re-opening in less than a week only to be shut down again. People who couldn’t get to the store or afford food, are finally able to get food again but now they can’t because food stores are forced to close due to the fear of safety for their employees and consumers. People are having possessions that they’ve worked hard for stolen or damaged. Streets, communities, businesses, homes, are being completely destroyed.

Again; anger, fear, rage, disgust, infuriation, are all OKAY to feel, feel it. Standing for what you believe in, peacefully protesting, or standing for the rights of someone’s life that was taken unjustly is absolutely OKAY, but it is NOT okay to attack innocent people who have absolutely no association with the event.  

As mentioned above, when you attack or murder an innocent person or police officer, you are taking away someone’s mother, father, etc. inflicting even more grief and pain than there already is in the world. When you burn down a building, you are taking away someone’s business that worked for years to build it and leaving many without jobs. When you burn down or wipe out a store, you are also taking away goods and necessities people need. When you spread this level of intense hate and violence, you are inflicting even more fear, anger, anxiety, depression, grief, and anguish, increasing mental health concerns that are already on the rise. By acting in such ways, we are sending false messages that encourage acts of bullying, hate, and violence; especially in the younger generation who cannot possibly begin to understand what is going on in the world.

Yes, change needs to happen. Yes, discrimination and racism need to end; but change cannot possibly happen in this way. We are not enforcing change by taking innocent lives, attacking others, destroying communities, burning, or stealing things. We must change the narrative. We can get justice for Floyd and many others through means of compassion, and love, rather than hate and violence.

Yes, a police officer did a bad thing and yes, other police officers watched and yes, all of that was completely wrong and thankfully in the age of cell phones, a brave citizen recorded the incident but that does not mean that all police officers are bad. Look at the millions of good police officers out there; the ones who are out there right now trying to simply protect the rest of the world from this chaos, the ones who sit with people in pain, or go out of their way to brighten a day. They don’t deserve to have their cars burned or lives taken just like an innocent person doesn’t deserve to have their life taken.

I will close by thanking all of the amazing people out there serving us and doing good for the community in these most uncertain times. To our police officers out there protecting us not just today but every day. To the nurses and healthcare workers who are not just on the frontlines of a pandemic anymore but also this violence that is leading many to ER’s, hospitals, etc. To the people protesting in a proper manner; peacefully and respectfully. To the citizens volunteering their time to clean up the aftermath of these attacks and care for their communities and so many more. May we remember that there is still good in the world and make every attempt to spread messages of positivity, compassion, and kindness instead of hate and violence.

Finally, to the people, families, lives, businesses, homes, and possessions that have been attacked or taken, thoughts and prayers are with you in these times of loss, pain, despair and so much more.

If you are struggling or have been affected by all that’s going on, you’re not alone. Text “SHARE” to 741741 to be connected to a live trained Crisis Counselor. You don’t have to struggle in silence.

Will you help me spread these important messages of compassion and kindness by sharing?

Credit: unknown

Credit: Unknown

The Mental Health Affects Once We Re-Open the World

If you prefer a video/audio version of this blog, check out the video at the end.

As lockdown restrictions begin to lift, many lives are going to be shifted once again. Not only are many going to have to return back to their previous schedules after being off schedule for months, but also, life as we once knew it will not be the same; especially (but not only) for our kids who simply don’t understand the capacity of what is happening around them.

Physical distancing requirements, events like field trips, and major occasions being permanently canceled, daily temperature checks, limited interactions with others, walking into completely different environments from when we left them and many more will start to become the new reality for many.

While many are understandably excited to return to “normal” after being cooped up for so long, we must also understand that we are not returning to “normal” but rather adjusting to a new normal. All of these things I mentioned above will take a toll on the mental health and minds of many. As human beings, even though we are eager to get back out there, we don’t like change and these adjustments for some, are going to be far from easy.

Just to provide some context for what I’m talking about, The Center for Disease Control (CDC) recently released new guidelines for re-opening our schools. Don’t get me wrong, I most definitely appreciate any precautionary measures taken to limit the spread of COVID-19 as someone who is immunocompromised. However, as a psychology major, I’m also mindful of what these requirements, guidelines, and restrictions will do to the minds of many but especially young kids. 

You’ve seen myself and many others post about the effects of the isolation and quarantine on kids alone which is immensely real but what’s also real is that not only will those effects most likely stick with them as we’re talking about months of buildup if not addressed, but also, we need to look out for these effects even when we put them back into the world and it’s not simply because of the change in routine; it’s because of the many changes they will be faced with.

When they get on the bus and try to sit next to their friend they haven’t seen in over 6 months and are told they have to sit alone, when classrooms look completely different, when they’re told there will be no field trips this year or that they can’t eat the same way in the cafeteria with their group of friends as they always have, or even lend a friend a pencil. While some of these things may appear minor, they will be huge for our kids. Again, they only can understand so much about what is going on. When we send them back to school, they most likely will think things are going to return to normal and so we must prepare them for these changes. We must not be afraid to talk to them about the changes they may see and even when we do, chances are, they will not completely understand the capacity of the situation because let’s face it, there are adults who are still trying to figure that out. With that being said, check in with your kids; ask them how they’re doing, how they’re feeling, etc. This is important even without a pandemic but even more so now that ever and in the months and even years to come because more likely than not, if they’re struggling, they are probably figuring out what is even going on or why. They may not be so open about what they’re feeling because they most likely don’t know how to be because many are being dealt with a whole slew of emotions that they never have had to face before. By checking in, you’re opening up that opportunity for them to tell you these important things. 

Another thing to be mindful of are the ones who are being bullied. For many of them, this lockdown was most likely a relief because they finally got a break from it and are most likely going to be thrown back into that situation especially with all of the stress students will be under that they may not be quite sure how to cope with to begin with. 

Further, it’s no surprise at this point that the pandemic will take a major toll on the mental health of many and for some, even leave traumatic effects long after the pandemic has vanished; as I discussed in my post on these traumatic effects a few weeks ago. Although some are more at risk than others such as those on the front lines, experienced the loss of a loved one, vulnerable or high-risk populations, etc. no one is immune to these effects which is why it is crucial to be aware of them and talk about them. As I’ve talked about in many other posts, we’re all different levels and these changes and effects will be different for everyone. Everyone will process and cope differently, some may still be figuring out how to process all of this. We’re all on different levels here and that’s okay.

No matter where you are right now or where you will be in the weeks, months, or years to come, be gentle with yourself. Know that things will be different and it will take time to adjust but you will get there. No change is ever easy especially the major changes we are faced with at this time. Go at your own pace and seek support when you need it. If you’re not sure where to turn for support and need a listening ear text “Share” to 741741 to be connected to a live, trained Crisis Counselor at Crisis Text Line. You are never alone.

Thanks so much for checking out my blog post! Please share to help get this message out to as many people as possible! You never know who needs to hear!

~Compassionately Inspired

Mother's Day in Isolation

If you’ve seen my past blog posts, you’ve probably seen me write about holidays, grief, and loss at some point. It’s no doubt that holidays, in general, can be a major source of stress, overwhelm, and for some, even sadness for those who are mourning or missing loved ones who may not be with them. 

However, this holiday, Mother’s Day, especially (but not only) during this time, can be all that much harder for some; and it’s not just because of the pandemic or because of grief, but rather both combined and even more than can be elaborated upon in a single blog post. 

Mother’s Day while a day of celebration of all of the mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers, and all others serving in a mother’s role in some way or another, isn’t so celebratory for many with or without a pandemic. Even though the pandemic will restrict many from celebrating Mother’s Day with their mothers if they don’t live in the same home, which would understandably be incredibly hard for many since Mother’s Day is all about spending time with your mother, there’s also another component. 

Perhaps you’ve lost your mother, never knew your mother, or someone who was like a mother to you is no longer with you. Maybe you don't have the best relationship with your mother, or perhaps you have a different experience than these mentioned that just simply makes today hard for you. These things can make the idea of Mother’s Day one of mourning, stress, overwhelm, and a whole slew of other emotions instead of celebration. 

Add into the mix the effects of the pandemic and isolation alone on top of the things mentioned above. When we take into consideration the toll of decreased social interaction with loved ones, being isolated, etc. in and of itself, that can undoubtedly lead to a wide array of emotions. However, all of that can make Mother's Day especially even that much harder for some. Perhaps you have a distant or abusive relationship with your mother and/or you're now in isolation with her - so you have the effects of isolation on top of the effects of that relationship. Perhaps this is not the first Mother’s Day without that person in life, but it just may be one of the hardest. Why? Because of everything myself as well as many others have been talking about for months; the toll of isolation, quarantine, and the pandemic as a whole can make these feelings feel even stronger than they may have been in the past. Being alone or isolated can lead us to think, ruminate, and overthink which creates more room for the effects of grief and loss to creep up on you. So if you’re feeling that a little extra right now, It’s OK and you’re not alone. 

Perhaps you’ve lost your mom due to COVID-19. That in itself can also be an immensely hard pill to swallow alone, and then Mother’s Day comes just before you’ve even had time to process. So if you’re experiencing that also, again, it’s OK and you’re not alone. 

I recently lost my grandmother on February 1st (not due to COVID) but it was unexpected and she and my mom have been my rocks since the day I was born. She was always like a second mother to me so the thought of not spending Mother’s Day with her (even though we couldn’t right now anyway), but not even being able to call her, send her a card, simply say "Happy Mother’s Day", or even show up at her door and give her a hug through the glass (because nothing would keep me from my mother or grandmom on Mother's Day even if it meant extreme caution for their safety), hits home for sure. If you're feeling the same, I hear you and I know it's hard.

If your mother/grandmother/step-mother etc. is still here and you're grieving the fact that you can't spend time with them the way you normally would, be creative! Face-time, talk through a glass to let them know they are not alone, and that you're still there on their special day.  I know the feeling of grief and loss all to well; I didn't even fully digest my grandmother's loss before COVID-19 hit us all like a brick and now Mother's Day is here; so I feel for those wrestling with these feelings of grief especially during these unprecedented times of isolation.

No matter what your experience or situation is; if this day or even this time is hard for you right now, please know you’re not alone!

If you’re struggling and need some support, text “HOME” to 741741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor. It's a completely confidential, listening ear if your alone and just need someone to help you through these thoughts or depression or whatever you may be feeling right now.

Finally, Happy Mother’s Day to ALL of the amazing mothers and mother-like figures out there, especially my very own who I have no clue what I would do without! 

~Compassionately Inspired