Trauma. What is it Isn’t it experiencing something big, serious, or life-threatening? Well, it could be, but the truth is; it’s actually that and so much more. It may shock you to learn that trauma comes in all shapes, forms, sizes, and levels of severity. In fact, some of the things that we may never in a million years consider to be traumatic or classified as trauma, can actually be incredibly traumatic. The reason why this isn’t widely known is that the reality of that trauma may not come or hit you until many years later, especially if it’s something that is not typically considered a trauma. I write this particular article from two perspectives; one as having been through and overcome these types of trauma in my own life and also as a psychology major going through trauma training.
Trauma as many of us know it, come in the forms of very severe and perhaps you could say, obvious cases or situations. For instance, it is commonly associated with situations of gun violence, assault, witnessing or enduring a life-threatening situation, etc. But what if I told you that things like bullying, losing a parent (even if you still have an incredibly supportive parent) or other close family member, growing up in an environment filled with tension/arguing (even if you’re not directly involved), or even just watching someone you love and care about go through a really rough time could be considered trauma too? To many, these things seem like typical struggles of life. Yes, we know that they are hard, we know that they are sad and depressing, but what we don’t necessarily realize is that for some people, they are harder than we think and when I say hard, I’m talking hard on a traumatic level. What’s important to note here before going further into this is that every single person is different and therefore, everyone deals with life, and different things/situations, etc. differently. You could place two identical people, same age, gender, history, even identical twins, etc. in the exact same situation but their outcomes or what they grow up to be could be complete, polar opposites and that all has to do with soooo many factors, and the fact that everyone is different (put simply; there is so much more to that but we’ll leave it general for now). Now, some of you reading this may even already know this part of trauma too; so why am I writing this?
Well, as mentioned above, I’m writing this from two perspectives; the psychology major perspective and the personal perspective. I’ll start with the psychology major perspective as it leads to the personal perspective.
It’s most likely obvious to you (even those who are not psychology majors) that the field of psychology has a focus on understanding mental health and thinks like trauma etc. as a means to understand and help others but as I go through my psychology major and get closer and closer to my degree, as I’m sure many other psychology majors also experience is that you also learn a whole lot about yourself and your own life experiences as well. That moment when you’re sitting in a psychology class and something clicks and you think to yourself “wow, this is so me” or “wow, I get that thing/situation now!” it’s an eye-opening, “aha” moment. I’ve briefly explained the logistical, educational part of the trauma from the psychology perspective above, but this is where the personal perspective comes in.
If you’ve read my previous articles, have been keeping up with my work, or know me personally, you know I’ve had my share of struggles and the reason that I’ve dedicated my work and passion to this blog, psychology, crisis counseling, sharing my story, and helping others are all because of my struggles. I made the decision a long time ago that I would never let my struggles define me. When I found a place where I belonged and was accepted, I was no longer a victim. After being a victim of bullying and other struggles for so long, I decided that I didn’t want to be a victim anymore. Because of this, I thought that was the end of all struggle; that nothing could ever trigger me or get me at all ever again. And for a while, this was true and a very large piece of that is still so true. I may be cracked, bruised, and scarred but no matter what, no matter what life or anyone or anything throws at me, no matter how bad; I know for a fact that I cannot, under any circumstances, be broken; I am unbreakable. However, I was also forced to realize or should I say be reminded of something that was in hiding beneath the surface for quite a while but was forced to come to the surface just recently.
You may have also read my previous articles about toxic relationships or narcissism and bullying etc. You may have even figured out that many of my articles were about my father and his betrayal, especially if you know me. However, also if you know me, you know I have an absolutely amazing mother who is my best friend and biggest supporter. Because of that unconditional support, I have been able to thrive beyond what I ever thought possible. Because of that unconditional support, and pursuing my utmost passion in life that provides me with great fulfillment, trauma was the last thing that would come to my mind when I think about my story or experiences. Struggles? Sure, most definitely. But trauma? Prior to this recent training and being a psychology major, I’m one of those people who would never in a million years have considered myself to have ever endured trauma. But then I learned all about it and not just the basics, but in-depth, and I started receiving internal messages that said: “think about these words”. So I did, I thought about them. In these beginning stages, I was like “okay, so maybe I’ve endured some trauma but that’s my past; I’m living my dream, I’m happier than can be, I have an amazing mom, amazing job, amazing opportunities and experiences, getting an education, and a great relationship. That signal, that voice said “you’re right and that’s all great but keep listening.” Naturally, I did. And little by little, I found myself resonating with certain things and topics that made me think just a bit and reflect on my own life and experiences: “hmm, I never quite thought of it like that” and this happens often as a psychology major. However, it wasn’t until one sentence spoke to me and resonated so deeply that made my eyes truly open. This statement was something along the lines of “when a child loses a parent whether it’s due to death or betrayal or endures another hurtful experience, that child endures deep hurt and that hurt especially if other hurtful scenarios follow and/or are repeated that leads a person to never let anyone get close enough to hurt them BUT that will also eventually mean that person will more likely, never let anyone get close enough to love them.” It was in that moment that all I could think to myself was “wow”. I knew that I was always very hesitant to allow people to get close to me due to the fear of being hurt, this I knew. But what I didn’t realize was that in doing that, I really was doing that other part too; I was not letting people get close enough to love me. At first, this realization hit me as a bad thing, like wow, I must need help, but once I let it sink in and process it; I realized that sometimes, just the notion of something being brought to your attention enough to make you think, has more power than anything. I not realized, but was merely reminded of many things upon processing this statement and one of the biggest things I was reminded of was my resilience and that is the message I want to get across to you today; read on, I promise, I’m almost to the point.
No matter what stage you’re at in your life, no matter what struggles, traumas, etc. you have endured, know that you are one amazing, resilient person for having endured all of that. Even if you haven’t come to terms with certain things yet, it is okay; you will when you are meant to when you are ready to. Healing takes time and it’s a process. This idea of trauma or being told that you’ve endured a trauma when you just don’t feel like it was a trauma or haven’t necessarily had the time to truly process it yet can be hard in and of itself; it’s a lot to take in but know that despite your trauma, despite whatever you have endured, you’re still here, you’re still going, you haven’t given up and maybe things are still hard right now but that’s okay. The fact that you’re still here, still standing, still trying, you’ve succeeded, you have risen above, and for simply being here, you are more beyond resilient than you can possibly know. If you know someone who has endured trauma, be there; take time to care. You may not understand what they’re going through, it may be hard to understand. That person who endured the trauma may do everything in their power to push you as far away as possible due to the reason/statement above of not wanting to be hurt. It’s most likely not personal but just that they need to go at a slower pace, they need more time to process, to build trust. So be patient, if you don’t understand, don’t be afraid to ask; they may not be ready to talk about it but the fact that you ask rather than assume can mean a lot to someone but the absolute most important thing you can do for that person is to simply be there. Often, you don’t even need to say much or anything at all but often, for many, just your presence and support is enough to send a message of “I’m here, you’re not alone. I’m not going anywhere and it’s going to be okay” and that is most likely, most often what someone going through or healing from a trauma needs in that moment.
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~ Compassionately Inspired
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