Turn Compassion into Action in 2021: Lessons from 2020 to Take Into the New Year

I think it’s fair to say that the year of 2020 has been a pretty challenging year for most, myself included. The past year has most definitely brought about an erroneous amount of loss, grief, anguish, despair, struggles, suffering, overwhelm, and so much more; for many. This year, I lost my Grandmom who was my best friend, my medical issues has significantly increased, etc. However as I reflect on the past year, I realize that there are also many lessons to be learned and perspectives to hold onto; as we close the chapter on this year of struggle and open the door to hope for a better year ahead.

You may have heard that it is through our struggles and most unprecedented and challenging times of suffering, that we learn the most. Chances are you’ve also heard that struggles and suffering makes you stronger, or that many things happen for a reason. I wholeheartedly believe that all of the above is true. We often can’t see this perspective of things until long after it’s over. In fact, it can often feel impossible to believe any of this. We wonder “Why we?” “How can there possibly be a reason for this?” “I’m never going to get out of this”. I think there’s quite a few people out there who have probably caught themselves uttering these questions quite a few times throughout this year especially. I hear you, I’ve been there. It can be so easy and natural to hold onto these questions when we just want and need so badly for our greatest struggles to end; or when we just need an answer, closure… No matter what your unique situation is, I promise you’re not alone. Your frustration, anger, grief, and all of the above that you may have felt this year or are feeling right now is valid.

Times are tough, no doubt. However, through reflection and gratitude; our perspective can change in the blink of an eye. You might be thinking “Seriously, you think gratitude is going to fix all of this?” My answer is no; chances are it won’t fix everything,but it certainly can help us see some of the good beyond the struggles. Think back on this year although I know that might be the last thing you want to do. However, just think about the positive things that happened. What were the good moments to hold onto? What lessons did you learn, even if you might not have wanted to? What opened your eyes? How has your perspective of life changed from the previous year? What is one thing that you gained perspective or insight from that you will take with you in 2021 and future years to come? What are the things, people, opportunities, or events you’re grateful for from 2020? Think about those questions and hold on to your answers. These are the things that we can learn from, to start fresh, and start the new year with a clean slate.

This year has been full of individual and personal impacts as well as societal impacts. We have lived through a historical time period that I’m pretty sure most of us will never forget. As a blog that discusses topics of kindness, mental health, etc.; I also want to bring up the rise of hate, violence, loss, and mental health concerns. You’ve heard me talk about this before, especially in the recent months; but I bring it up again because this year, we’ve seen drastic increases in all of the above. The trauma, anger, stress, etc. have transpired into things such as: violence, hate, relationships destroyed, businesses and communities destroyed due to violence, racism and discrimination, values lost, rising rates of mental illness due to the above, and much more. I wanted to shed light on this topic specifically as we embark on a brand new year for a variety of reasons. Particularly, the biggest message I want to bring home though is: Kindness and compassion are needed now more than ever. Everyone around you grieving or struggling right now. As I always say, everybody has a story and you never know what someone’s story is. You could be standing next to someone who just lost their best friend but is still smiling, someone who just got the news they’ve been fearing, someone who is in extreme pain behind their smile, or is doing everything they can to not fall apart, is a overworked frontline worker, had multiple patients pass away despite their strongest efforts. There will never be enough examples but these should speak for themselves; you just never, ever, know. So, never assume what someone’s situation is, or assume that they “seem fine”. Just be kind. Share a smile, lend a hand, hold the door, and most of all; be patient and have compassion. It can be so easy to feel on edge these days; most of us are. However, in the haste, breathe. Before you get mad, cut someone off in traffic, make an annoyed remark; pause. Take a moment to breathe and just proceed with compassion. You can be annoyed, frustrated, mad, overwhelmed, or all of the above. Don’t hold that in (but again); just be kind. Even when you’re upset or frustrated, proceeding with kindness and compassion will not only bring peace of mind to others or make someone’s day, it will also make you feel better about yourself too. The bottom line is: we’re all human trying to figure out life. Right now, we’re all human trying to figure out life in a pandemic, and extreme uncertainty. We all have feelings and sometimes get caught in the realm of life, we make mistakes, and so forth. So as we go into the new year, let’s slow down, and take time to be mindful of others and ourselves.

Also remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you need your own space to grieve, regroup, or just take a break; that’s okay too. Don’t be afraid to let people know that and take care of yourself. Right now more than ever, chances are many will understand. It’s all about open communication, mindful thinking, self-care, and care for others. These four things will help you end 2020 on a positive note, and create room for 2021 to be a better year.

All in all, if you take anything from this blog post, let it be this: Put compassion into action, be kind, and be mindful in 2021 and all of the years to come. Again, if you’re struggling; you are seen and you are heard. If you need someone to talk to and don’t have someone, also know someone is always there. By texting “HOME” to 741741; you can talk to a live, trained Crisis Counselor who is there for you anytime.
If you enjoyed this article, please share it with others to help me get this message out to as many people as possible.
~Compassionately Inspired.

Navigating the Holidays During a Pandemic: Choose Kindness

 Navigating the Holidays During a Pandemic: Choose Kindness

If you’re feeling like the typical stress and overwhelm that usually comes with the holidays is ten folded this year, you’re definitely not alone. This particular holiday season is undoubtedly different; and stress, fear, grief, loss, isolation, despair, anxiety and so much more ,are at all time highs.

We are living in a period where death tolls have skyrocketed the past 6+ months; leaving so many in mourning. We are also living in a period where families can’t be together due to isolation or quarantine. People are left to spend the holidays alone; and the toll of isolation must not go unrecognized. Add in to the mix the loss of traditions, plans, and overall; times that are meant to be filled with love, family, and friends are now filled with emptiness for so many.  

 

While protecting yourselves and your loved ones should be a priority and necessary, the fact is most likely not enough to fill the holes in so many hearts. We must be mindful of this. 

 

Further, many are out of jobs and won’t know how to explain to their children or loved ones why Santa didn’t bring them as many gifts this year; causing more guilt and emotional turmoil. All of this on top of so many people: grieving the loss of loved ones as mentioned earlier, are extremely sick in the hospital or know someone who is, trying to figure out just how to make ends meet, put food on the table, or pay their rent; yet alone buy gifts. We MUST keep this in mind. This list doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the numerous things people are going through right now.

 

To top it ALL off, you still have the numerous effects of the novel coronavirus pandemic in and of itself; that I’ve written and spoken about at length in previous posts; the trauma, the impacts, and all of the above. 

 

With all of this being said; you’ve heard me say it in every post: You NEVER know what someone is going through so please be kind. People are going through things right now that you wouldn’t even deem possible. You don’t always know what someone’s job, home, or just life situation is. Now is not the time to stress about buying the “perfect gift” or having the “perfect tree”, the “perfect house”, or “being perfect”. Nobody is perfect without a pandemic, yet alone with one. Everybody is struggling in some way or another right now and you may never know. Again, be kind. 

 

Don’t worry about getting everything on your wish list.  NOW is the time to GIVE and RECEIVE love, compassion, empathy, and kindness. The world is suffering enough; let’s help lessen the stress. Instead of buying a gift, give kindness. I promise you: that is what matters more than anything; ESPECIALLY for someone who is struggling. Even a handmade card, note, or something made from the heart can mean the world to someone. 

 

So please: This holiday season, and everyday; spread kindness like crazy! Pay it forward, keep it going. 

 

Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season and warming love to all those battling or struggling with the things they don’t talk about: I hear you and see you. You’re not alone.

 

~Compassionately Inspired

Compassion Over Violence

To hear a summary of the main messages in this blog post in a shortened, video form. Please see the video at the end of this post. 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

While I usually do not comment on controversial topics, politics etc. as that is not what this page is about, as an anti-bullying activist and mental health advocate, I cannot be silent about what is going on in the world at the present moment; especially as it is a matter in which major bullying is present and something that is most definitely affecting and will affect the mental health of many.

Before I dig in I want to start by saying firstly, I am in absolutely no way against peaceful protests or standing for what’s right; that is not what this post is about.  Rather, this post is meant nothing more than to simply emphasize the importance of compassion and empathy right now more than ever and to remind everyone that violence, hate, disrespect, for others and our communities only makes matters much worse instead of better. Secondly, I am also in no way shape or form implying or saying that what happened to George Floyd is okay; it’s not and I do not stand for it. However, we must talk about the consequences of the violent and even fatal nature of some of the protests and riots going on now.

It is completely understandable that many are feeling extreme distress, fear, grief, anger and a wide range of emotions right now not just with the numerous effects of the coronavirus pandemic but now, the tragic death of George Floyd and the violent protests surrounding it. It is completely valid to feel whatever it is you’re feeling in response to or as a result of all of the events that have occurred in the past few months, weeks, and days. However, by responding to these events with hate and violence, harming innocent people, taking innocent lives, destroying the property and businesses of innocent people, we are only creating a recipe for disaster, creating a world of even more hate, discrimination, stereotypes, judgments, and violence. Not to mention, while I do not stand for this level of hate and violence any day, I also want to reiterate again that many are still in a state of crisis from the pandemic and if not a crisis, the effects are still there and will be for a long time as I’ve been saying for weeks. People are still grieving from the losses endured by COVID-19, and now many are being faced with unjust and completely avoidable loss by murder of innocent people who are mothers, fathers, kids, family members. Further, people are finally returning to work, and much of the world is re-opening in less than a week only to be shut down again. People who couldn’t get to the store or afford food, are finally able to get food again but now they can’t because food stores are forced to close due to the fear of safety for their employees and consumers. People are having possessions that they’ve worked hard for stolen or damaged. Streets, communities, businesses, homes, are being completely destroyed.

Again; anger, fear, rage, disgust, infuriation, are all OKAY to feel, feel it. Standing for what you believe in, peacefully protesting, or standing for the rights of someone’s life that was taken unjustly is absolutely OKAY, but it is NOT okay to attack innocent people who have absolutely no association with the event.  

As mentioned above, when you attack or murder an innocent person or police officer, you are taking away someone’s mother, father, etc. inflicting even more grief and pain than there already is in the world. When you burn down a building, you are taking away someone’s business that worked for years to build it and leaving many without jobs. When you burn down or wipe out a store, you are also taking away goods and necessities people need. When you spread this level of intense hate and violence, you are inflicting even more fear, anger, anxiety, depression, grief, and anguish, increasing mental health concerns that are already on the rise. By acting in such ways, we are sending false messages that encourage acts of bullying, hate, and violence; especially in the younger generation who cannot possibly begin to understand what is going on in the world.

Yes, change needs to happen. Yes, discrimination and racism need to end; but change cannot possibly happen in this way. We are not enforcing change by taking innocent lives, attacking others, destroying communities, burning, or stealing things. We must change the narrative. We can get justice for Floyd and many others through means of compassion, and love, rather than hate and violence.

Yes, a police officer did a bad thing and yes, other police officers watched and yes, all of that was completely wrong and thankfully in the age of cell phones, a brave citizen recorded the incident but that does not mean that all police officers are bad. Look at the millions of good police officers out there; the ones who are out there right now trying to simply protect the rest of the world from this chaos, the ones who sit with people in pain, or go out of their way to brighten a day. They don’t deserve to have their cars burned or lives taken just like an innocent person doesn’t deserve to have their life taken.

I will close by thanking all of the amazing people out there serving us and doing good for the community in these most uncertain times. To our police officers out there protecting us not just today but every day. To the nurses and healthcare workers who are not just on the frontlines of a pandemic anymore but also this violence that is leading many to ER’s, hospitals, etc. To the people protesting in a proper manner; peacefully and respectfully. To the citizens volunteering their time to clean up the aftermath of these attacks and care for their communities and so many more. May we remember that there is still good in the world and make every attempt to spread messages of positivity, compassion, and kindness instead of hate and violence.

Finally, to the people, families, lives, businesses, homes, and possessions that have been attacked or taken, thoughts and prayers are with you in these times of loss, pain, despair and so much more.

If you are struggling or have been affected by all that’s going on, you’re not alone. Text “SHARE” to 741741 to be connected to a live trained Crisis Counselor. You don’t have to struggle in silence.

Will you help me spread these important messages of compassion and kindness by sharing?

Credit: unknown

Credit: Unknown

The Mental Health Affects Once We Re-Open the World

If you prefer a video/audio version of this blog, check out the video at the end.

As lockdown restrictions begin to lift, many lives are going to be shifted once again. Not only are many going to have to return back to their previous schedules after being off schedule for months, but also, life as we once knew it will not be the same; especially (but not only) for our kids who simply don’t understand the capacity of what is happening around them.

Physical distancing requirements, events like field trips, and major occasions being permanently canceled, daily temperature checks, limited interactions with others, walking into completely different environments from when we left them and many more will start to become the new reality for many.

While many are understandably excited to return to “normal” after being cooped up for so long, we must also understand that we are not returning to “normal” but rather adjusting to a new normal. All of these things I mentioned above will take a toll on the mental health and minds of many. As human beings, even though we are eager to get back out there, we don’t like change and these adjustments for some, are going to be far from easy.

Just to provide some context for what I’m talking about, The Center for Disease Control (CDC) recently released new guidelines for re-opening our schools. Don’t get me wrong, I most definitely appreciate any precautionary measures taken to limit the spread of COVID-19 as someone who is immunocompromised. However, as a psychology major, I’m also mindful of what these requirements, guidelines, and restrictions will do to the minds of many but especially young kids. 

You’ve seen myself and many others post about the effects of the isolation and quarantine on kids alone which is immensely real but what’s also real is that not only will those effects most likely stick with them as we’re talking about months of buildup if not addressed, but also, we need to look out for these effects even when we put them back into the world and it’s not simply because of the change in routine; it’s because of the many changes they will be faced with.

When they get on the bus and try to sit next to their friend they haven’t seen in over 6 months and are told they have to sit alone, when classrooms look completely different, when they’re told there will be no field trips this year or that they can’t eat the same way in the cafeteria with their group of friends as they always have, or even lend a friend a pencil. While some of these things may appear minor, they will be huge for our kids. Again, they only can understand so much about what is going on. When we send them back to school, they most likely will think things are going to return to normal and so we must prepare them for these changes. We must not be afraid to talk to them about the changes they may see and even when we do, chances are, they will not completely understand the capacity of the situation because let’s face it, there are adults who are still trying to figure that out. With that being said, check in with your kids; ask them how they’re doing, how they’re feeling, etc. This is important even without a pandemic but even more so now that ever and in the months and even years to come because more likely than not, if they’re struggling, they are probably figuring out what is even going on or why. They may not be so open about what they’re feeling because they most likely don’t know how to be because many are being dealt with a whole slew of emotions that they never have had to face before. By checking in, you’re opening up that opportunity for them to tell you these important things. 

Another thing to be mindful of are the ones who are being bullied. For many of them, this lockdown was most likely a relief because they finally got a break from it and are most likely going to be thrown back into that situation especially with all of the stress students will be under that they may not be quite sure how to cope with to begin with. 

Further, it’s no surprise at this point that the pandemic will take a major toll on the mental health of many and for some, even leave traumatic effects long after the pandemic has vanished; as I discussed in my post on these traumatic effects a few weeks ago. Although some are more at risk than others such as those on the front lines, experienced the loss of a loved one, vulnerable or high-risk populations, etc. no one is immune to these effects which is why it is crucial to be aware of them and talk about them. As I’ve talked about in many other posts, we’re all different levels and these changes and effects will be different for everyone. Everyone will process and cope differently, some may still be figuring out how to process all of this. We’re all on different levels here and that’s okay.

No matter where you are right now or where you will be in the weeks, months, or years to come, be gentle with yourself. Know that things will be different and it will take time to adjust but you will get there. No change is ever easy especially the major changes we are faced with at this time. Go at your own pace and seek support when you need it. If you’re not sure where to turn for support and need a listening ear text “Share” to 741741 to be connected to a live, trained Crisis Counselor at Crisis Text Line. You are never alone.

Thanks so much for checking out my blog post! Please share to help get this message out to as many people as possible! You never know who needs to hear!

~Compassionately Inspired

Mother's Day in Isolation

If you’ve seen my past blog posts, you’ve probably seen me write about holidays, grief, and loss at some point. It’s no doubt that holidays, in general, can be a major source of stress, overwhelm, and for some, even sadness for those who are mourning or missing loved ones who may not be with them. 

However, this holiday, Mother’s Day, especially (but not only) during this time, can be all that much harder for some; and it’s not just because of the pandemic or because of grief, but rather both combined and even more than can be elaborated upon in a single blog post. 

Mother’s Day while a day of celebration of all of the mothers, step-mothers, grandmothers, and all others serving in a mother’s role in some way or another, isn’t so celebratory for many with or without a pandemic. Even though the pandemic will restrict many from celebrating Mother’s Day with their mothers if they don’t live in the same home, which would understandably be incredibly hard for many since Mother’s Day is all about spending time with your mother, there’s also another component. 

Perhaps you’ve lost your mother, never knew your mother, or someone who was like a mother to you is no longer with you. Maybe you don't have the best relationship with your mother, or perhaps you have a different experience than these mentioned that just simply makes today hard for you. These things can make the idea of Mother’s Day one of mourning, stress, overwhelm, and a whole slew of other emotions instead of celebration. 

Add into the mix the effects of the pandemic and isolation alone on top of the things mentioned above. When we take into consideration the toll of decreased social interaction with loved ones, being isolated, etc. in and of itself, that can undoubtedly lead to a wide array of emotions. However, all of that can make Mother's Day especially even that much harder for some. Perhaps you have a distant or abusive relationship with your mother and/or you're now in isolation with her - so you have the effects of isolation on top of the effects of that relationship. Perhaps this is not the first Mother’s Day without that person in life, but it just may be one of the hardest. Why? Because of everything myself as well as many others have been talking about for months; the toll of isolation, quarantine, and the pandemic as a whole can make these feelings feel even stronger than they may have been in the past. Being alone or isolated can lead us to think, ruminate, and overthink which creates more room for the effects of grief and loss to creep up on you. So if you’re feeling that a little extra right now, It’s OK and you’re not alone. 

Perhaps you’ve lost your mom due to COVID-19. That in itself can also be an immensely hard pill to swallow alone, and then Mother’s Day comes just before you’ve even had time to process. So if you’re experiencing that also, again, it’s OK and you’re not alone. 

I recently lost my grandmother on February 1st (not due to COVID) but it was unexpected and she and my mom have been my rocks since the day I was born. She was always like a second mother to me so the thought of not spending Mother’s Day with her (even though we couldn’t right now anyway), but not even being able to call her, send her a card, simply say "Happy Mother’s Day", or even show up at her door and give her a hug through the glass (because nothing would keep me from my mother or grandmom on Mother's Day even if it meant extreme caution for their safety), hits home for sure. If you're feeling the same, I hear you and I know it's hard.

If your mother/grandmother/step-mother etc. is still here and you're grieving the fact that you can't spend time with them the way you normally would, be creative! Face-time, talk through a glass to let them know they are not alone, and that you're still there on their special day.  I know the feeling of grief and loss all to well; I didn't even fully digest my grandmother's loss before COVID-19 hit us all like a brick and now Mother's Day is here; so I feel for those wrestling with these feelings of grief especially during these unprecedented times of isolation.

No matter what your experience or situation is; if this day or even this time is hard for you right now, please know you’re not alone!

If you’re struggling and need some support, text “HOME” to 741741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor. It's a completely confidential, listening ear if your alone and just need someone to help you through these thoughts or depression or whatever you may be feeling right now.

Finally, Happy Mother’s Day to ALL of the amazing mothers and mother-like figures out there, especially my very own who I have no clue what I would do without! 

~Compassionately Inspired

The Pandemic May Vanish But the Trauma Will be Longlasting

Trauma.

You’ve heard myself along with many others talk about trauma and perhaps even more so now than ever before; as it’s not only starting to become more widely known in general but something that COVID-19 is beginning to open many of our eyes to. 

What is it?  Where does it come from?  For in-depth answers to these more general questions, see my earlier blog post on "When Past, Uncovered Trauma Comes to the Surface",  here.  However, to summarize, we know the impacts of trauma can be long-lasting. We know it can take a massive toll on both our physical and mental health.  Experts such as pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris, MD and doctor, Bessel van der Kolk, MD have proven this extensively in their research and best-selling novels, The Deepest Well (Burke-Harris, 2018) and The Body Keeps the Score (van der Kolk, 2014). 

To make an incredibly long story short, the impacts of trauma can be deeply significant, life-altering, havoc-wreaking for the mind and body, and most definitely, long-lasting which only summarizes an incredibly small portion of research I've discovered from Burke-Harris, van der Kolk and numerous others.  While everyone should be aware of trauma even without a pandemic going on,  it's more important now than ever before that everyone is aware of this crucial information.  

No one is immune to trauma exposure.  Anyone from any background, demographic category, or stage of life can be exposed to trauma.  However, we’re all different and will react to experience, and process this situation or any situation in life differently.  What may be traumatic to one, may not be to another; even if it’s the same exact situation. 

With the novel Coronavirus pandemic, it’s no surprise that many of us or at least someone we know has been exposed to incredibly devastating, life-changing, and disheartening circumstances to say the very least.  For some, however, the toll is massive and will not simply dissipate when the pandemic is lifted - that’s where the trauma comes in. 

Picture these scenarios:

• Seeing a loved one who is sick and not being able to hold their hand or hug them for support. 
• Seeing someone fight for their life and not being able to help.
• Being in the hospital alone with no friends or family at your side especially in critical times and circumstances.
• Being part of a vulnerable or at-risk area or population fearing that no matter what you do, it won’t protect you from the virus. 
• Being a healthcare worker seeing many lives taken in mass amounts. 
• Being a healthcare or essential worker without sufficient PPE to stay protected. 
• Being an essential worker terrified to bring the virus home to your family. 
• Having your life uprooted out of nowhere. 
• Grieving the loss of the biggest event or moment of your life (weddings, graduations, etc). 
• Not being able to remember and honor loved ones who passed through memorial services or funerals.  

The effects it will have on many ordinary people, people who already had mental health concerns to begin with that have this on top of those pre-existing struggles, people who have never had a history of mental health concerns,  healthcare workers who were kind, caring, and supportive to both patients and families in there final hours and goodbyes; that stepped up and took a loved one's place with kindness, compassion, and love. Many healthcare workers will have life long trauma over the experiences of COVID 19 although again, no one is immune to these devastating, traumatic effects that COVID 19 will leave behind.

However, just as COVID-19 has and will leave these effects on so many, it's also important to recognize that life and experiences do this to so many as well even on days without a pandemic and way before a pandemic. Mental health concerns and this concept of trauma, was just starting to be noticed prior to COVID 19 but was always there. Current research, resources, and support is increasing progressively and has and will come in time to help all the healthcare workers and many others now as COVID-19 can be considered a wake-up call to these concerns that were already present but will most likely be even more so in the coming weeks, months, and years. 

Chances are you or someone you know falls into one of these categories or circumstances I discussed above.  All of these things and even things I didn’t mention, again, CAN have a significant traumatic effect on many as I was talking about earlier. These things will hit people in different ways and not just now; weeks from now, months from now, even years from now for some. 

In the midst of the major struggle life finds a majority of us in right now, we must not forget this and must be mindful that everyone is going through something whether it’s related to COVID or not. Everybody is going through something you know nothing about. 

I’ve been saying it from day 1: Now is NOT the time to socially distance.  Physically distance, YES, but PLEASE do NOT socially disengage.  Text, call, Facebook, email, face-time. Skype, Zoom.  Stay connected with loved ones.  Reach out to that person you may not have talked to all that much.  A simple “Hi, How are you?” can make the biggest difference in the world.  We MUST create a community of social support now than ever because in the midst of the trauma, in the midst of hardship, heartache, devastation, loss and much more, support, compassion, love can save a life. Studies have proven this time and time again: social support can mitigate these negative effects of trauma, negative experiences, adversity.

And if you’re struggling, you are NOT alone!

• Talk to friends/family
• Comment below
• Message me Privately on Facebook or at compassionatelyinspired@gmail.com. I will be a listening ear if available or will contact you as soon as I can. 
• Text home to 741741 to be connected to a live, Certified Crisis Counselor at Crisis Text Line who is there for all needs, not just Crisis needs. 
• Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
• Take care of yourself- whatever that is for YOU- Journaling, exercising, breathing, watching Netflix, taking hot baths, talking it out, taking time for YOU. 

Thank you SO much for those who have taken the time to read this post to the end!  I know it was a bit lengthy, full of deep but nonetheless important information!  If you can, please share this post or comment on your thoughts to help get this message to as many people as possible! 

As Always, Stay Well, Stay Healthy, Stay Compassionately Inspired! 

~Compassionately Inspired 

Truth Talk About The Novel Coronavirus: Fear, Grief, Mental Health and All of the Above

“Life is hard, frustrating, and sometimes even infuriating but openness, honesty, compassion, and togetherness during this time will take us the farthest of ways ~Danielle Elizabeth, Compassionately Inspired”

Fearful, grieving, anxious/depressed, concerned, worried, paranoid, overwhelmed, angry, burnt-out, freaked-out, exhausted…. Any of these resemble what you’re feeling right now?  Maybe you’re feeling more than one of these or all of the above, or maybe you’re even feeling something I didn’t mention. Regardless, read on.  Even if you’re not feeling any of the above, chances are you know someone who is. Disclaimer: I will note upfront that I know this is an incredibly long article followed by a pretty lengthy video but nonetheless, includes incredibly important information.  Thank you so much in advance to those who do read/watch until the end.  Your support means the world to me.  If you prefer to listen or watch the video, please feel free to scroll to the bottom of this article for the video as it contains much of the same information.  Thank you AGAIN to all of my followers and supporters; you are amazing! Now that I got that out, let’s get to it!

The Coronavirus pandemic has become an immensely life-shifting pandemic for so many people.  While I’ve written an article on this previously; as a psychology major and Crisis Counselor, I’m realizing that there is much, much more that so desperately needs be discussed especially pertaining to mental health and the Coronavirus.

First, just to give you an idea of where I’m about to go with this article, consider the following as you read.  Mental health concerns are a concern for many individuals even without any kind of pandemic or major life-alternating disruption.  So many individuals were and are already struggling with things like anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and other mental health concerns that were most likely already hard enough for them to begin with before any of this occurred.  Add into the mix an event such as a pandemic that comes along and completely changes everything.  Your everyday routines, maybe even your coping mechanisms that you were just finally getting used to, not being able to physically go to counseling sessions, are suddenly all affected.  To go even further, we have the news and media throwing all of these guidelines at us and making us believe that if we don’t follow them to a T that something bad will happen.  Don’t get me wrong, these guidelines are very important and I am an advocate for staying home unless you absolutely can’t especially as someone who is immunocompromised myself.  However, I also recognize the struggles that many are faced with right now.

There are 5 main things that I want to discuss in-depth in this article following the most recent video I posted that you can find below.  These things are fear, grief/loss, trauma, the profound importance of kindness and compassion, and, the idea that social distancing does NOT have to mean social disconnect.

Firstly, FEAR. This is probably the biggest emotion or at least one of the biggest emotions people are feeling right now.  Fear is such a natural emotion and we have fear without a pandemic going on.  We fear the unknown, we fear change, and some people, especially those with pre-existing anxiety or mental health concerns, fear something like this very pandemic happening.  Right now especially, people are fearing so many things; the alarming numbers and statistics being thrown at us, what’s next to come, the uncertainty, catching the virus, loved one’s catching the virus…  There are so many things that people are feeling fearful of right now.  I know I’ve even experienced this myself recently with seeing my mom who has been sick for over 4 weeks now and not being able to get help from her doctor.  She got sick before this virus really hit and kept getting continuously blown off from her own doctor at first saying that she didn’t meet the criteria for COVID-19 testing when she had many symptoms and has tried antibiotics and other things that did not help and was told to wait 72 hours and she’ll order an X-ray if she was not better but, when she didn’t feel better in 72 hours, she told her to go to urgent care at 6:30 at night.  I actually stepped in at this point because I’ve been watching my mom, someone who never gets sick to this extent for this long, someone who I love, who is my rock, my biggest supporter, who I have no idea what I would do without, etc. be so sick and being constantly blown off by her doctor and telemedicine doctors as well, fear truly set in for me personally.  So, I ended up writing her doctor a very nice letter and she called my mom the next morning stating I was disturbing her and to find a new doctor in the next 30 days. I even explained that I completely understand that there’s a major pandemic going on and I know that this a hard time for many, especially those in healthcare but at the same time sick people who don’t have COVID-19 still need care too (and please note: there are so many healthcare workers out there on the frontlines working tirelessly to help those who are sick and infected so THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all on those front lines; this is absolutely not a message about healthcare workers in general but simply to touch on this idea of fear).  My reason for sharing this part of my experience with you is solely for the purpose of putting context behind what I’m attempting to convey here.  For me, that was my fear; the fear of losing my best friend especially after I just lost my grandmother who I was also very close to and not being able to get my mom care yet alone, not even being able to hug her and offer that emotional comforting support until she got tested weeks later to be safe as I could easily get it if she had it.  So my takeaway here is that everyone has their own fear right now.  This may not be your fear or experience. You could have a completely different fear.  I recently ran a meeting for a mental health group I run where we talked specifically about fear and every single person had a different fear of their own with this pandemic and I see this as a psychology major, and crisis counselor; fear is real. Your fear is real. What you’re feeling is real and completely understandable and valid.

Secondly, GRIEF/LOSS. This is another huge one.   We’re talking about the loss of loved ones, loss of so many individuals, the loss of large celebrations such as graduations, weddings, award ceremonies, baby showers and so many more that so many people were greatly looking forward to or worked so hard to get to that were suddenly taken away; that is also incredibly hard to take in.  Perhaps you’re even experiencing a loss that I didn’t mention.  Grief and loss are also at all-time highs right now so please keep that in mind also.  Be kind, don’t judge.  Reach out, ask people if they’re okay.  Support others. Again, we are all in this together.  For those who have been struggling with major losses, no matter what they are, please know my heart is with you all and I hear you, I know it’s rough right now and you are in the thoughts and prayers of so many.

Third, TRAUMA.  As a psychology major who is heavily studying trauma for my honors thesis, this is yet another huge one that we absolutely cannot overlook especially after all of this is over.  Being in the field, I suspect that the prevalence of trauma, along with many other mental health concerns are going to be even more on the rise than they are without a pandemic given the nature of this situation.  There are so many things right now that can be incredibly traumatic for some people.  Healthcare workers are having no choice but to bury people in bags, risking their lives and even their families lives, being on the frontlines and exposed to this virus, seeing and witnessing someone dying alone, being that person in that hospital bed without any family there to hold your hand during your last breaths, not being able to say goodbye, which would be traumatic for the patient, the family, and healthcare workers alike… There’s trauma even just in being sick if someone has been infected and survived but was severely sick. This is another thing that can, in fact, be considered traumatic because it’s a significantly hard, stressful, overwhelming, overburdening, experience.  Other examples include but are not limited to not being able to get health care if your insurance doesn’t cover telehealth in some instances, having your lives shifted in incredibly significant and extreme ways, being forced to isolate, chronic fear, chronic worry. All of these things CAN be considered traumatic for some people which is the biggest takeaway for this point.  Trauma is something we don’t really talk about too often and it’s something that’s not even necessarily well-known yet even though it’s been around forever.  Something that is completely minor to one person may actually have a significant, lasting, traumatic impact on another and this is especially true given the intense nature of the situation at hand right now.  I know this is a lot to take in and process but something that I truly, truly, felt needed to be discussed also.

Finally, SOCIAL DISTANCING.  We’ve all heard this term “Social Distancing” more times than we can probably count now.  This is a phrase that since the first day I heard it did not sit well with me at all. During this time, especially as someone who is immunocompromised; Yes, we absolutely need to PHYSICAL distance as much as possible to help mitigate this spread; That is crucial more than ever right now. However, please note: PHYSICAL distance, stay home if you can but DO NOT socially disengage.  Right now, it is more critical than ever to stay connected with others.  Even those we have not talked to in a while.  As you can see from everything I’ve mentioned above, there is so much pain, hurting, grief, fear and so many other things out there right now that people are struggling with that we absolutely MUST stay connected and offer that support.  People need support more than ever during this time.  So please, in whichever way you can; reach out to those you know – by phone, text, skype, email, whatever it is that works for you.  Let others know that you are there from them, that you care.  If you’ve seen my blog before, you’ve heard me say it repeatedly; simply asking or saying “how are you?”  “Are you ok?” “I’m here for you” is all it takes to make someone’s day and right now we need that more than ever.

CLOSING REMARKS: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  Even if you are struggling right now and don’t have someone you can talk to, please, please, please know that you are not in any way alone!  There are so many resources out there for you.  If you need support, you can text “Home” to 741741 to be connected to a live, trained, Crisis Counselor at Crisis Text Line who is there to support you 24/7.  Support and resources are out there.  This is not a battle that should be fought alone and luckily you don’t have to fight it alone.  Additionally, I’ve said it already but I will say it again – Please, be kind.  Again, you never know what someone is struggling with or going through especially right now more than ever so please be kind, offer that support if you can.  This is not a time for judgment, discrimination, hate, or criticism.  We all need to be there for each other as we are all in this together.  Finally, practice self-care.  Whatever that is for you whether it’s taking a hot bath, writing it out, watching Netflix, meditating, etc., take at the very, very least 5 minutes a day to do something for yourself.  This is another thing that’s important now more than ever.  I know everyone’s busy and stressed but even just taking those 5 minutes a day if not more, can make a huge difference in overall mental health and wellbeing.

I cannot thank you enough for those who have read to the end of this article.  I know It’s a lengthy one to say the very least but nonetheless important.  Please, if you can share this blog post/check out the video below as you never know who needs to hear these messages.  I’m still on my mission to reach as many people as possible during this rough time to let others know that no one is alone in this journey and that I hear you.  I understand.  I know it’s hard.  I promise we WILL get through this if we stick together.  Thank you SO, SO much again to all of you reading this post and shout out to so many who are either struggling, are on those frontlines to any capacity. You are ALL amazing.