Terminating Toxic and Unhealthy Relationships Does Not Make You Selfish

          We’ve all come in contact with people we don’t necessarily get along with but when do we draw the line?  We all have our own limits, values, and boundaries and when someone pushes and tests those limits and boundaries, some may think they just have to accept it, especially when it comes to family. People often feel as though they’re “selfish” if they speak up or decide to distance themselves or even terminate these kinds of unhealthy and in some cases, toxic relationships but I’m here to tell you that’s the farthest thing from the truth.  The truth is that terminating an unhealthy or toxic relationship takes so much strength and courage and having that strength and courage to know your worth and make that decision shows how strong you truly are.

          So, what do I mean by a “toxic or unhealthy relationship”?  Primarily, a relationship can be considered unhealthy and, in some cases, even considered toxic depending on the context, situation etc. However, overall, these relationships can be described as a relationship in which the other person continuously and excessively tries to criticize you, bring you down, degrade you, use you, disrespect you, attack who you are etc. the list goes on.  Put simply, any relationship that leaves you feeling attacked or bad about yourself can be considered an unhealthy relationship.  When we start to see these kinds of patterns is when we should start to question whether or not that relationship is worth our time or whether it’s time to create some distance there.

          As mentioned earlier, it takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to make such a decision. We don’t want to feel guilty or be “the bad guy”.  We worry that it if we cut off or distance ourselves from a relationship whether it’s unhealthy or toxic or not, that it’s our fault but again, that’s the farthest thing from the truth.  It is OKAY to walk away from things that no longer serve you, especially if they aren’t only no longer serving you, but also hurting you or bringing you down.  Actually, it’s more than okay.  In fact, sometimes terminating these kinds of relationships are a necessity for some people.

          Surrounding yourself with someone/people who are consistently and excessively criticizing you, putting you down, or degrading you can take an enormous toll on your overall health and wellbeing.  You deserve so much more than that; so, don’t feel bad about terminating a relationship that was/is dragging you down or no longer serving you.  Instead, choose to surround yourself with people who lift you up and make you happy; those are the kinds of people who are worth your time.

          Also, for those on the outside looking in, it can be easy to judge or make assumptions when we see someone terminate a relationship; especially when it comes to family.  Some may say “you can’t terminate your family” etc. but, understand that you most likely do not know the whole story.  As I said earlier, sometimes terminating these kinds of relationships are highly necessary and can be incredibly hard to do so try not to judge.  Instead, try to understand or support someone if you know they’ve recently had to struggle with an unhealthy or toxic relationship because chances are, they need that support right now.

          Finally, for those of you in these tough situations, struggling with what to do or feeling guilty about recently terminating such relationships, know that sometimes you need to put yourself first and that’s not selfish, it’s a necessity.  If you’re reading this, chances are you are one of those people who spend a lot of time looking out for others and putting others needs before your own.  Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you because you deserve that.

          Thanks so much for reading!  If you’re interested in seeing future blog posts and more inspirational content, be sure to subscribe to my blog and like, follow, and share Compassionately Inspired on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

~Compassionately Inspired.

The Importance of Solving Problems Before It's Too Late and How to Accept the Unresolved

           Have you ever heard the phrase “problems are meant to be solved”?  I can’t emphasize enough how true this statement is especially when it comes to family and people you care about.  Let me tell you why.

        All too often, people go their entire lives without solving problems, pushing things under the rug as if they’ll return to them later but never do.  But then there comes a time when they realize that they’ve shoved everything under the rug for so long that now the rug is useless because it’s been destroyed by all of the unresolved things piled underneath it.  This “time” unfortunately, is usually the time when these individuals are on their last breath.  I mean, we see this in movies and shows all the time; an unexpected tragedy or emergency happens and we see people solving these problems in a hospital room.

           For some, this may be valid.  Some may see this is a “wake up call”, that this event has allowed them to come to their census and for some, this may a “miracle” or the closure they need.

          For others, however, it’s way too late at that point – especially when the person has had ample chances and/or months, years etc. to resolve the issues that needed to be resolved.  I’m not here to judge either way – everyone is their own person.  However, I speak from personal experience and I write this particular blog post both for those who may be the one who has a tendency to pile things under the rug and for those who have been hurt by others doing this.

        Picture again the analogy I brought up in the beginning.  Now picture a person affected by these actions. That same analogy is exactly what the person affected is feeling except that’s not happening under the rug, that’s happening in their mind because the problems keep arising but the other person keeps pushing it under the rug.  This then leads the person affected to sit with these unresolved problems and if you think about it, that can cause quite a bit of emotional damage to a person; being forced to sit with unresolved problems that you have tried to resolve but keep getting pushed under the rug and being forced just to accept that, can take an emotional toll on someone.  Then, the time comes where the person who has continuously shoved these things under the rug for so long experiences an emergency or unexpected tragedy and they want to make it right because they don’t want to leave this world with that guilt.  But how do you think that makes the person affected feel?  Most likely they feel 100 times more hurt than before because they may feel as though they weren’t worth fixing these problems for until this time and think about the damage that, on top of the baggage of having to hold onto the issues for so long, can cause.  With that being said, if you’re one of those people who has a tendency to pile things under the rug, think about how that could be affecting those around you.

          Additionally, if you’re the one affected by this person's (or people's) actions and are left sitting with things piled high in your mind from things not being resolved and are left feeling confused, overwhelmed, hurt etc., I’ve been there and I hear you and as hard, damaging, and draining as it can be, this person’s actions are NOT a reflection of your worth, your value, or your potential.  I know you may feel otherwise but believe me when I say this.  You are not subject to live with the backlash of this person’s actions for the rest of your life.  You can rise above.  I know that can be easier said than done, and I know right now it may feel permanent but you are worth so much more than how they made you feel.  You are worth solving and one day, you will rise above the hurt and pain and conquer and you will be so much stronger because of it.

         Thanks so much for reading and stay tuned for more blog posts to come!  Also, feel free to like and follow my page, “Compassionately Inspired” on social media.

~Compassionately Inspired