Milestones Without Loved Ones

 

 

As I get closer and closer to the day I walk across the stage and get my bachelor’s degree, the realization that two of the most special people in my life won’t be there and quite frankly, it only hits me harder as the day gets closer. I realize this article is coming at a time where many may be experiencing the same struggles given the COVID-19 pandemic, guest restrictions, or even the loss of loved ones during this time and for those who may be experiencing similar struggles, know that my heart is with you during this challenging time.

 

Loss is never easy, no matter the circumstance; and the grief comes and goes in waves. You have good days and bad days, that’s all apart of grief. However, there are certain moments where you realize that some things will just never be the same. Ways of doing things, traditions, norms, activities, etc. may change. We adapt; we find ways to carry their legacies and move forward with their loss.  However, there are certain moments such as big milestones or big events that just hit you. You adapt to this new way of living without a loved one’s physical presence but then that one thing happens that you run to pick up the phone to call them to realize you can’t, or a big moment lies ahead and you realize the main person or people that would normally be at the top of your guest list aren’t anymore.

 

I shed light on these moments because it’s one I’ve been living quite heavily with the past few months. As you may be aware if you’ve seen my previous blog posts, I lost my grandfather on December 26^th, 2009 when I was just about 10 years old. Although I was young, the bond we shared was undeniable and I still had such memorable moments that I will never forget. For instance, on my 12^th Birthday, he was so sick yet somehow some way he was not missing it; he showed up and to this day, it’s the best Birthday gift I’ve ever gotten. Nothing can beat the undeniable gift and love of someone showing up for you and that is why him, my grandmother, and my mom are the most amazing people in my life; they have all been there since day one. After the loss of my grandfather in 2009, trust me, it hit hard but at the same time our prime focus was my grandmom and helping her through it, being there for her, and enjoying every moment we had with her just as we did him. Both of my grandparents were my people right alongside my mom; through every medical challenge, roadblock, barrier, you name it but one thing is for sure; none of them stopped believing. No matter what, one was always there, I was fortunate to never be without unconditional love and support between the three of them. We were an inseparable team often referred to as “Determined Danni’s Supporters” because that is just what they were, my supporters beyond belief. Then, suddenly on February 1^st, 2020, my grandmother left us as well. When my grandmom passed after my grandfather, that was the day I lost two of the biggest parts of my team. I am so beyond fortunate to still have my amazing mother here today. However, after my grandfather passed, my grandmother was my go-to, our team of four became a team of 3. However, there is so much more to that. The smallest of things brought her the most unreal joy that cannot begin to be expressed by words, especially milestones. She lived for the Birthdays, holidays, graduations, celebrations no matter how big or small. Next to my mom, she was always the first update, the first phone call, the first one in the crowd, the first know, the first hug. In addition to always showing up, and always providing that unconditional support, etc. she lived for the moments my grandfather was not able to. From the minute I was born until this very day, they believed in me when I did not believe in myself, instilled that there is nothing I cannot do and can beat any odd or obstacle that comes my way.

I now get ready to graduate in just a few short days, and two of the main people that got me there won’t be in the audience; I won’t see their smiling faces or run up to give them the biggest hug afterwards. My grandmom especially talked daily about how she could not wait for this day with the utmost elation and excitement on her face and in her voice. However, I am still beyond fortunate to have my amazing mother who will be there, who was shaped by these two amazing people who is by far the best mother a daughter can ask for who is just as much a part, if not more in what has led me to this point today and for that, I’m forever grateful.

 

While this may not be a traditional blog post, I wanted to use this space an open letter to my grandparents who may not be here physically, but I know will be watching from above:

 

To the two people that not only raised the most amazing mother, but have been by my side through it all,

 

I so wish you were here beyond what words can express. You are such a driving force in how this milestone is possible along with my mother; it was the 4 of us from the start. Together we made the strongest team I know. Without you, my story and everything leading up to this milestone I’m about to embark upon would be incomplete. I hope to use this milestone to live and carry on your most inspiring legacies.  

 

You lived for the milestones. Your faces lit up in ways that brightened up the entire room. There was no smile like the both of yours and no words that can truly encapsulate it. It has been a rough year; not being able to call you after every interview, presentation, or accomplishment and hear that utmost excitement in your voice that was like no other. You were the first update no matter what it was. I would say “oh stop, it’s no big deal” but even the smallest of things would be the biggest of deals to you. They say there is no greater feeling in the world than seeing your kids smiling and happy. I am sure that’s true (though I’m not a parent), but for me, there’s no greater feeling than seeing my grandparents and my mother smiling and happy. There are no words to describe the greatness of that feeling, of knowing that you made the people in your life who matter the most, who you look up to, who are your world, proud. I am beyond lucky to have had amazing grandparents and have an amazing mother who never cease to show me that utmost love and support in all that I do, especially as you all are the people who got me there.

 

I may not always know exactly how to go on without you somedays, though I know you would want me to. So, while I will not simply “go on”, I will go forward; and I will go forward with the lessons you taught me in my youngest of years and will keep you with me and in my heart every day. Your memories, the people you were, and your legacies you left behind I will forever hold in my heart and carry on with as I embark toward this next chapter in my life.

 

Sincerely,

 

Your (Not so) “Little Girl”.

 

In closing, if this blog post resonates with you in anyway, I hear you and you are not alone. I know the moments of grief can feel the loneliest even when you are in fact surrounded by unconditional love and support. Know that you do not have to “move on” from the loss you may be enduring but can certainly move forward with it in a way that is meaningful to you. You can find ways to carry on their legacies and hold them in your heart, just as I will do on my graduation day and every day with my own special ways of remembering them and making it feel like they are there. Surely it will never be the same but even when distance has you apart, you can always be close in heart. Explore. Find what works for you; carry pictures, think of creative ways that remind you that no matter what they are still forever with you. Just because you may not be able to see them physically, does not mean you cannot feel them in your heart. Sometimes all it takes is one picture, one object, one symbol that reminds you of them to let you know that no matter how far apart they may be, you are never truly alone.

~Compassionately Inspired

Loss and Grief: How Loss Has Broken My Heart But Strengthened My Resilience

 

 I recently had to write what is called a lossography for one of my classes, which is an essay about how one's experiences of loss and death shape one’s beliefs and values towards death, loss, grief, etc. In my writing process of that essay, I was inspired to share parts of my essay here especially with loss and grief affecting so many more and more these days.  

If you have been following me, you know that loss is something that has been quite prominent in my life; but also, that it's my mission through Compassionately Inspired and my career to turn my negative experiences, including my experiences of loss, into positive hope and inspiration for others. 

The thing with loss is that it can be one of the most painful of experiences in our lives, but it can also be those particular experiences where you learn the most lessons and develop the greatest strength. To put it into perspective, I'll share with you some of my own experiences with loss below.

 Some of the greatest losses I've had to endure include the loss of loved ones due to death, loss of relationships due to broken trust and toxicity, and loss of health.  These experiences of loss combined, reaffirmed my previously held attitudes and beliefs towards death that while loss is incredibly painful, it is a part of life.  Additionally, my experiences with loss have allowed me to gain new perspectives and beliefs about death such as carrying on one’s legacy, reminiscing on the life one lived, and celebrating the good moments while allowing the hard moments to come as they need to.  The thing is, death and loss are sensitive topics for a lot of people, myself included.  It is not always easy for me to accept loss or death right away; it often takes a lot of reflection and processing.  However, what I have come to believe as a result of my experiences is without loss, there is no life.  Without pain, there is no love or value.  Without these difficult experiences of loss, strength cannot develop.  Loss has undoubtedly knocked me down at times, but it also gave me perspectives I could have never gained otherwise, such as those mentioned above.

 My first prominent experience of loss is when my grandfather passed away in 2009 when I just about 10 years old.  He and my grandmother were “my rocks” right alongside my mom.  Growing up with multiple medical challenges, they were my biggest supporters.  More recently, in February of 2020, my grandmother passed.  These two experiences have influenced my attitudes and beliefs about death in multiple ways.  While the pain of the loss of these two amazing people were and are immeasurable, I know also that they lived amazing lives, and their legacies will forever live on. They impacted everyone that crossed their path in most positive ways, and have been a driving force to get me where I am today. Their loss, while painful, taught me what it means to love something so much that makes saying goodbye so hard; and that the severity of the pain is only a reflection of how great our love was.

 Another primary experience of loss was in 2015.  In 2015, my health started to decline.  To this day, it continues to do so.  While not something that is life-threatening, it’s a loss to say the least.  Each day I experience a different host of symptoms, never knowing what the next day will bring or even why they are occurring.  I have good days, and I have bad days.  It has greatly affected my life in terms of what I was able to do before I got sick to what I am able to do today.  While I have committed myself to pushing through and being determined to fight every obstacle that comes my way, it’s not without its challenges and losses.  There is no true name to my symptoms or sickness as it is still being investigated.  However, what we do know at this point in time is that there is an underlying autoimmune condition and chronic anemia; both of which are life-long and will always be unpredictable.  With that being said, the loss of not being the ball of energy that I once was, has played a role in my attitudes towards loss.  While incredibly frustrating at times, it has also showed me just how strong I am when I am able to fight through on my worst days.  Had I not been faced with these challenges; I would not have stumbled upon my strength. Challenges in general, produce strength; but challenges of loss produce a unique type of strength. Each challenge and each loss you face will strengthen you, even when it feels the complete opposite.

 Other losses I have experienced that also heavily influenced my perspectives of loss include the loss of relationships, and trust.  There is no doubt that essentially everyone in life endures loss of relationships, and trust to some capacity.  However, I have chosen to include it here because I believe it plays such a primal role in my attitudes and beliefs towards loss in more ways than not.  In fact, it was these particular experiences above all others, that made me realize that loss is sometimes necessary.  Throughout my life, I have had numerous people who I thought were friends or family betray my trust mentally.  It took quite a few years to realize that I had to lose these people to be and love myself.  However, the loss of relationships and trust that I have experienced made me realize who I really could trust, my mom and my grandparents.  Additionally, it made me realize my worth; because I was worth more than the way I was treated by people in those toxic relationships.  It took being a psychology major and realizing the impact that toxic people and toxic relationships can have to truly reach this breakthrough in my life.  The loss of these people was necessary to get my life back, and to take control of my own life.  It was necessary to become more grateful and closer to the three main supportive people I had/have in my life.  Had I not experienced this specific loss, I would not know who I am or my worth.

 Everyone has different values, beliefs, customs, and attitudes towards death, loss, and dying.  There’s no one-size-fits-all approach or belief.  People come from a variety of different backgrounds and cultures; as well as experiences that influence their thoughts, actions, and behaviors.  For me specifically, it has taken loss of multiple forms to be grateful for what I have, to grow stronger, wiser, and gain new perspectives.  Some people may uphold other beliefs such as the examples provided in the assignment about ground burial or the customs and traditions we have been learning about this semester.  For me, it is more abstract and personal. 

 My experiences with death and loss as described in detail above, reaffirm these values and beliefs.  One recent example of such practices is we decided to keep our Christmas tree up all year round and decorate it for each holiday in remembrance of my grandparents, since they loved holidays and decorating. That may sound strange or different from traditional rituals but it is simply a different way of remembering and coping that is unique to us and our own experiences.  Another example we do often is sending balloons up to the sky on my grandparents’ Birthdays, holidays, etc. Death and loss is hard to say the least and can sometimes feel impossible, but it’s all about finding what works for you to make the process just a little bit easier.

 In conclusion, as I mentioned above, there is really no one size fits all system that shapes our attitudes and beliefs.  I believe that everyone can have their own unique belief system, values, and rituals that are unique to them and their unique experiences.  Some people’s belief systems and attitudes towards death and dying stem from their culture, others stem from experiences, and so forth.  All in all, my personal beliefs and attitudes towards death are shaped not only by my experiences but also by the love my late grandparents who have significantly instilled within me to carry on their legacy, and tackle any experience of loss, death, or otherwise that comes my way. If you’re struggling, know that someone hears you and wherever you’re at in this process, there’s no need to rush. Everyone goes through grief and loss differently and there is no timeline or end date. Grief is ongoing. It will come and go. It will hurt but at the end of the day that immense hurt and pain is also a symbol of immense love.

~Compassionately Inspired

(Parts of my personal essay are included in this blog post - COPYING PROHIBITED, NOT FOR ACADEMIC USE.– For sharing, please include link and Compassionately Inspired).

Turn Compassion into Action in 2021: Lessons from 2020 to Take Into the New Year

I think it’s fair to say that the year of 2020 has been a pretty challenging year for most, myself included. The past year has most definitely brought about an erroneous amount of loss, grief, anguish, despair, struggles, suffering, overwhelm, and so much more; for many. This year, I lost my Grandmom who was my best friend, my medical issues has significantly increased, etc. However as I reflect on the past year, I realize that there are also many lessons to be learned and perspectives to hold onto; as we close the chapter on this year of struggle and open the door to hope for a better year ahead.

You may have heard that it is through our struggles and most unprecedented and challenging times of suffering, that we learn the most. Chances are you’ve also heard that struggles and suffering makes you stronger, or that many things happen for a reason. I wholeheartedly believe that all of the above is true. We often can’t see this perspective of things until long after it’s over. In fact, it can often feel impossible to believe any of this. We wonder “Why we?” “How can there possibly be a reason for this?” “I’m never going to get out of this”. I think there’s quite a few people out there who have probably caught themselves uttering these questions quite a few times throughout this year especially. I hear you, I’ve been there. It can be so easy and natural to hold onto these questions when we just want and need so badly for our greatest struggles to end; or when we just need an answer, closure… No matter what your unique situation is, I promise you’re not alone. Your frustration, anger, grief, and all of the above that you may have felt this year or are feeling right now is valid.

Times are tough, no doubt. However, through reflection and gratitude; our perspective can change in the blink of an eye. You might be thinking “Seriously, you think gratitude is going to fix all of this?” My answer is no; chances are it won’t fix everything,but it certainly can help us see some of the good beyond the struggles. Think back on this year although I know that might be the last thing you want to do. However, just think about the positive things that happened. What were the good moments to hold onto? What lessons did you learn, even if you might not have wanted to? What opened your eyes? How has your perspective of life changed from the previous year? What is one thing that you gained perspective or insight from that you will take with you in 2021 and future years to come? What are the things, people, opportunities, or events you’re grateful for from 2020? Think about those questions and hold on to your answers. These are the things that we can learn from, to start fresh, and start the new year with a clean slate.

This year has been full of individual and personal impacts as well as societal impacts. We have lived through a historical time period that I’m pretty sure most of us will never forget. As a blog that discusses topics of kindness, mental health, etc.; I also want to bring up the rise of hate, violence, loss, and mental health concerns. You’ve heard me talk about this before, especially in the recent months; but I bring it up again because this year, we’ve seen drastic increases in all of the above. The trauma, anger, stress, etc. have transpired into things such as: violence, hate, relationships destroyed, businesses and communities destroyed due to violence, racism and discrimination, values lost, rising rates of mental illness due to the above, and much more. I wanted to shed light on this topic specifically as we embark on a brand new year for a variety of reasons. Particularly, the biggest message I want to bring home though is: Kindness and compassion are needed now more than ever. Everyone around you grieving or struggling right now. As I always say, everybody has a story and you never know what someone’s story is. You could be standing next to someone who just lost their best friend but is still smiling, someone who just got the news they’ve been fearing, someone who is in extreme pain behind their smile, or is doing everything they can to not fall apart, is a overworked frontline worker, had multiple patients pass away despite their strongest efforts. There will never be enough examples but these should speak for themselves; you just never, ever, know. So, never assume what someone’s situation is, or assume that they “seem fine”. Just be kind. Share a smile, lend a hand, hold the door, and most of all; be patient and have compassion. It can be so easy to feel on edge these days; most of us are. However, in the haste, breathe. Before you get mad, cut someone off in traffic, make an annoyed remark; pause. Take a moment to breathe and just proceed with compassion. You can be annoyed, frustrated, mad, overwhelmed, or all of the above. Don’t hold that in (but again); just be kind. Even when you’re upset or frustrated, proceeding with kindness and compassion will not only bring peace of mind to others or make someone’s day, it will also make you feel better about yourself too. The bottom line is: we’re all human trying to figure out life. Right now, we’re all human trying to figure out life in a pandemic, and extreme uncertainty. We all have feelings and sometimes get caught in the realm of life, we make mistakes, and so forth. So as we go into the new year, let’s slow down, and take time to be mindful of others and ourselves.

Also remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you need your own space to grieve, regroup, or just take a break; that’s okay too. Don’t be afraid to let people know that and take care of yourself. Right now more than ever, chances are many will understand. It’s all about open communication, mindful thinking, self-care, and care for others. These four things will help you end 2020 on a positive note, and create room for 2021 to be a better year.

All in all, if you take anything from this blog post, let it be this: Put compassion into action, be kind, and be mindful in 2021 and all of the years to come. Again, if you’re struggling; you are seen and you are heard. If you need someone to talk to and don’t have someone, also know someone is always there. By texting “HOME” to 741741; you can talk to a live, trained Crisis Counselor who is there for you anytime.
If you enjoyed this article, please share it with others to help me get this message out to as many people as possible.
~Compassionately Inspired.

Navigating the Holidays During a Pandemic: Choose Kindness

 Navigating the Holidays During a Pandemic: Choose Kindness

If you’re feeling like the typical stress and overwhelm that usually comes with the holidays is ten folded this year, you’re definitely not alone. This particular holiday season is undoubtedly different; and stress, fear, grief, loss, isolation, despair, anxiety and so much more ,are at all time highs.

We are living in a period where death tolls have skyrocketed the past 6+ months; leaving so many in mourning. We are also living in a period where families can’t be together due to isolation or quarantine. People are left to spend the holidays alone; and the toll of isolation must not go unrecognized. Add in to the mix the loss of traditions, plans, and overall; times that are meant to be filled with love, family, and friends are now filled with emptiness for so many.  

 

While protecting yourselves and your loved ones should be a priority and necessary, the fact is most likely not enough to fill the holes in so many hearts. We must be mindful of this. 

 

Further, many are out of jobs and won’t know how to explain to their children or loved ones why Santa didn’t bring them as many gifts this year; causing more guilt and emotional turmoil. All of this on top of so many people: grieving the loss of loved ones as mentioned earlier, are extremely sick in the hospital or know someone who is, trying to figure out just how to make ends meet, put food on the table, or pay their rent; yet alone buy gifts. We MUST keep this in mind. This list doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the numerous things people are going through right now.

 

To top it ALL off, you still have the numerous effects of the novel coronavirus pandemic in and of itself; that I’ve written and spoken about at length in previous posts; the trauma, the impacts, and all of the above. 

 

With all of this being said; you’ve heard me say it in every post: You NEVER know what someone is going through so please be kind. People are going through things right now that you wouldn’t even deem possible. You don’t always know what someone’s job, home, or just life situation is. Now is not the time to stress about buying the “perfect gift” or having the “perfect tree”, the “perfect house”, or “being perfect”. Nobody is perfect without a pandemic, yet alone with one. Everybody is struggling in some way or another right now and you may never know. Again, be kind. 

 

Don’t worry about getting everything on your wish list.  NOW is the time to GIVE and RECEIVE love, compassion, empathy, and kindness. The world is suffering enough; let’s help lessen the stress. Instead of buying a gift, give kindness. I promise you: that is what matters more than anything; ESPECIALLY for someone who is struggling. Even a handmade card, note, or something made from the heart can mean the world to someone. 

 

So please: This holiday season, and everyday; spread kindness like crazy! Pay it forward, keep it going. 

 

Wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season and warming love to all those battling or struggling with the things they don’t talk about: I hear you and see you. You’re not alone.

 

~Compassionately Inspired

Compassion Over Violence

To hear a summary of the main messages in this blog post in a shortened, video form. Please see the video at the end of this post. 

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

While I usually do not comment on controversial topics, politics etc. as that is not what this page is about, as an anti-bullying activist and mental health advocate, I cannot be silent about what is going on in the world at the present moment; especially as it is a matter in which major bullying is present and something that is most definitely affecting and will affect the mental health of many.

Before I dig in I want to start by saying firstly, I am in absolutely no way against peaceful protests or standing for what’s right; that is not what this post is about.  Rather, this post is meant nothing more than to simply emphasize the importance of compassion and empathy right now more than ever and to remind everyone that violence, hate, disrespect, for others and our communities only makes matters much worse instead of better. Secondly, I am also in no way shape or form implying or saying that what happened to George Floyd is okay; it’s not and I do not stand for it. However, we must talk about the consequences of the violent and even fatal nature of some of the protests and riots going on now.

It is completely understandable that many are feeling extreme distress, fear, grief, anger and a wide range of emotions right now not just with the numerous effects of the coronavirus pandemic but now, the tragic death of George Floyd and the violent protests surrounding it. It is completely valid to feel whatever it is you’re feeling in response to or as a result of all of the events that have occurred in the past few months, weeks, and days. However, by responding to these events with hate and violence, harming innocent people, taking innocent lives, destroying the property and businesses of innocent people, we are only creating a recipe for disaster, creating a world of even more hate, discrimination, stereotypes, judgments, and violence. Not to mention, while I do not stand for this level of hate and violence any day, I also want to reiterate again that many are still in a state of crisis from the pandemic and if not a crisis, the effects are still there and will be for a long time as I’ve been saying for weeks. People are still grieving from the losses endured by COVID-19, and now many are being faced with unjust and completely avoidable loss by murder of innocent people who are mothers, fathers, kids, family members. Further, people are finally returning to work, and much of the world is re-opening in less than a week only to be shut down again. People who couldn’t get to the store or afford food, are finally able to get food again but now they can’t because food stores are forced to close due to the fear of safety for their employees and consumers. People are having possessions that they’ve worked hard for stolen or damaged. Streets, communities, businesses, homes, are being completely destroyed.

Again; anger, fear, rage, disgust, infuriation, are all OKAY to feel, feel it. Standing for what you believe in, peacefully protesting, or standing for the rights of someone’s life that was taken unjustly is absolutely OKAY, but it is NOT okay to attack innocent people who have absolutely no association with the event.  

As mentioned above, when you attack or murder an innocent person or police officer, you are taking away someone’s mother, father, etc. inflicting even more grief and pain than there already is in the world. When you burn down a building, you are taking away someone’s business that worked for years to build it and leaving many without jobs. When you burn down or wipe out a store, you are also taking away goods and necessities people need. When you spread this level of intense hate and violence, you are inflicting even more fear, anger, anxiety, depression, grief, and anguish, increasing mental health concerns that are already on the rise. By acting in such ways, we are sending false messages that encourage acts of bullying, hate, and violence; especially in the younger generation who cannot possibly begin to understand what is going on in the world.

Yes, change needs to happen. Yes, discrimination and racism need to end; but change cannot possibly happen in this way. We are not enforcing change by taking innocent lives, attacking others, destroying communities, burning, or stealing things. We must change the narrative. We can get justice for Floyd and many others through means of compassion, and love, rather than hate and violence.

Yes, a police officer did a bad thing and yes, other police officers watched and yes, all of that was completely wrong and thankfully in the age of cell phones, a brave citizen recorded the incident but that does not mean that all police officers are bad. Look at the millions of good police officers out there; the ones who are out there right now trying to simply protect the rest of the world from this chaos, the ones who sit with people in pain, or go out of their way to brighten a day. They don’t deserve to have their cars burned or lives taken just like an innocent person doesn’t deserve to have their life taken.

I will close by thanking all of the amazing people out there serving us and doing good for the community in these most uncertain times. To our police officers out there protecting us not just today but every day. To the nurses and healthcare workers who are not just on the frontlines of a pandemic anymore but also this violence that is leading many to ER’s, hospitals, etc. To the people protesting in a proper manner; peacefully and respectfully. To the citizens volunteering their time to clean up the aftermath of these attacks and care for their communities and so many more. May we remember that there is still good in the world and make every attempt to spread messages of positivity, compassion, and kindness instead of hate and violence.

Finally, to the people, families, lives, businesses, homes, and possessions that have been attacked or taken, thoughts and prayers are with you in these times of loss, pain, despair and so much more.

If you are struggling or have been affected by all that’s going on, you’re not alone. Text “SHARE” to 741741 to be connected to a live trained Crisis Counselor. You don’t have to struggle in silence.

Will you help me spread these important messages of compassion and kindness by sharing?

Credit: unknown

Credit: Unknown

The Mental Health Affects Once We Re-Open the World

If you prefer a video/audio version of this blog, check out the video at the end.

As lockdown restrictions begin to lift, many lives are going to be shifted once again. Not only are many going to have to return back to their previous schedules after being off schedule for months, but also, life as we once knew it will not be the same; especially (but not only) for our kids who simply don’t understand the capacity of what is happening around them.

Physical distancing requirements, events like field trips, and major occasions being permanently canceled, daily temperature checks, limited interactions with others, walking into completely different environments from when we left them and many more will start to become the new reality for many.

While many are understandably excited to return to “normal” after being cooped up for so long, we must also understand that we are not returning to “normal” but rather adjusting to a new normal. All of these things I mentioned above will take a toll on the mental health and minds of many. As human beings, even though we are eager to get back out there, we don’t like change and these adjustments for some, are going to be far from easy.

Just to provide some context for what I’m talking about, The Center for Disease Control (CDC) recently released new guidelines for re-opening our schools. Don’t get me wrong, I most definitely appreciate any precautionary measures taken to limit the spread of COVID-19 as someone who is immunocompromised. However, as a psychology major, I’m also mindful of what these requirements, guidelines, and restrictions will do to the minds of many but especially young kids. 

You’ve seen myself and many others post about the effects of the isolation and quarantine on kids alone which is immensely real but what’s also real is that not only will those effects most likely stick with them as we’re talking about months of buildup if not addressed, but also, we need to look out for these effects even when we put them back into the world and it’s not simply because of the change in routine; it’s because of the many changes they will be faced with.

When they get on the bus and try to sit next to their friend they haven’t seen in over 6 months and are told they have to sit alone, when classrooms look completely different, when they’re told there will be no field trips this year or that they can’t eat the same way in the cafeteria with their group of friends as they always have, or even lend a friend a pencil. While some of these things may appear minor, they will be huge for our kids. Again, they only can understand so much about what is going on. When we send them back to school, they most likely will think things are going to return to normal and so we must prepare them for these changes. We must not be afraid to talk to them about the changes they may see and even when we do, chances are, they will not completely understand the capacity of the situation because let’s face it, there are adults who are still trying to figure that out. With that being said, check in with your kids; ask them how they’re doing, how they’re feeling, etc. This is important even without a pandemic but even more so now that ever and in the months and even years to come because more likely than not, if they’re struggling, they are probably figuring out what is even going on or why. They may not be so open about what they’re feeling because they most likely don’t know how to be because many are being dealt with a whole slew of emotions that they never have had to face before. By checking in, you’re opening up that opportunity for them to tell you these important things. 

Another thing to be mindful of are the ones who are being bullied. For many of them, this lockdown was most likely a relief because they finally got a break from it and are most likely going to be thrown back into that situation especially with all of the stress students will be under that they may not be quite sure how to cope with to begin with. 

Further, it’s no surprise at this point that the pandemic will take a major toll on the mental health of many and for some, even leave traumatic effects long after the pandemic has vanished; as I discussed in my post on these traumatic effects a few weeks ago. Although some are more at risk than others such as those on the front lines, experienced the loss of a loved one, vulnerable or high-risk populations, etc. no one is immune to these effects which is why it is crucial to be aware of them and talk about them. As I’ve talked about in many other posts, we’re all different levels and these changes and effects will be different for everyone. Everyone will process and cope differently, some may still be figuring out how to process all of this. We’re all on different levels here and that’s okay.

No matter where you are right now or where you will be in the weeks, months, or years to come, be gentle with yourself. Know that things will be different and it will take time to adjust but you will get there. No change is ever easy especially the major changes we are faced with at this time. Go at your own pace and seek support when you need it. If you’re not sure where to turn for support and need a listening ear text “Share” to 741741 to be connected to a live, trained Crisis Counselor at Crisis Text Line. You are never alone.

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~Compassionately Inspired